Why do we need heroes if we can save ourselves?

I'm currently experiencing a drawback. I cannot shake this sense of paranoia, something I acquired during my unsettling years in SMJA, in which I think had caused a lot of people harm and myself especially. Sometimes I tend to damn people in my mind, but at the same time I feel great sadness and pain inside. After that, I stop being sad and feel pity with a big sense of longing.

Why do people act the way they do? How come there are people who can't get rid of being spoon-fed, always wanting someone to depend on or blame on. Why do we need heroes if we can save ourselves?

I'm sorry. Someone told me how to do my job and I feel upset. Upset of feeling betrayed or feeling wrong, or hating myself. Eventually, I stop being sad and feel only pity. Pity towards whoever doubted me and those who can't appreciate faith in a person. No, I shall not change for anybody or else we lose ourselves. I shall never be insecure for your petty needs.

Don't think me wrong. I don't hate anybody, I learned that lesson. Sometimes you do feel like you want someone to burn and die, but then when you play with fire you get burned. And then it becomes a cycle, a forest fire, all from your own doing.

This is my first depressing note after a long time. Hopefully, it'll be my last.

I used to be in place where the best way to help pain is hugs, chocolate, cake, funny conversations, lent ears, and soft speech. Now, I am in a place where nobody would do any of them. I miss the people then, whose smiles were free.