Pick Up the Guitar

Here's to a good friend of mine, who knows me longer than most people and it's pretty much like a sister to me.

You said that you could take in what ever I said, but I do not have the stomach to say it to you, especially with people you surround with that you listen mostly than me. So I preferred a different medium to tell you how I felt, what I needed, and what I wished. I started blogging again. And so here are my thoughts:

I wished you would need not to depend on people a lot. You have your friends comfortably around you but what if there's no one to help you someday? What if you got into a state of helplessness and no one is around to help you? I mean, I can't be there for you every time. I got my own shit to think over every day, and to have to worry about you all the time is a promise I couldn't give.

But that wasn't the only reason I stayed away.

In truth, when I look at you I think of all the horrible feelings you gave me. And I hated them, I hated them to the point I would rather not see you again. I did, but would you have me regret that decision? I care dammit! It's so hard to think that you broke me even when you asked for my help, to able to reach that capability of inhumanity that you have bestowed on me. What am I to you anyway? A Pawn? A Prop? A decoration? A Wheel?

But then I do get worried for you. I don't know, the years we've known each other must be at fault. I only showed you the support you wanted, the understanding, an open ear you needed, but no. You never thought about them. Sometimes I think you're only an attention seeker but I know that you are not as worst as that. I know you are struggling between being babied and being independent and I totally understand. There's a never ending inner battle of personalities in your head but you needed someone to take the responsibility of your indecision.

Now, your asking for me. In a time where my loyalty and sacrifices will be put to the test. If you cannot respect these, then I'm sorry. You are asking for the impossible.

Pick up that guitar, go on stage alone with a mic stand while facing a crowd, and sing just for yourself, not for anybody. Because you don't really need me. You needed confidence. I believe in you and that is enough to give you the confidence you needed.

With courage and confidence, you have the ability to move forward anywhere.