Je vous aime

I had a really sad dream last night. I thought of it as a sad dream because I found myself partly in tears when I woke.

I was on my bed when I found someone I know sleeping next to me. I stared at her face for awhile as I admired the way her eyes close in serenity, her face - her clear complexion, the way her hair lay on her pillow..

Her eyes opened, revealing that same look she had when I made my jokes. Puzzled, then a smile.

I said, "You know, seeing as you are on my bed which is impossible, this is probably a dream."
She said, "Yes"
I said, "I think I still love you"
She said, "I know"
I said, "Is there ,by any chance, still a place for me in your heart?"
She didn't reply.

She placed her hand in my face, then she said "I just can't. I'm sorry."

It was 3 something in the morning and I was crying on my bed.

I want to confess something I haven't confessed to anyone.
I fell in love 3 times in my life.

One who said no.
One who I thought was better off with someone else.
One who I was cruel to.

The one on my bed is the one who said no. A best friend I betrayed then.
Is love really that harsh? Or is it because I was?

À tous mes amis

My ATM card broke in half *screams*!

Mom said I'll have to buy a new one now. She recommended an International debit card.

So I asked when do we get it. She said during the holidays.

Then I asked how am I to withdraw cash before then. She said through the counter.

Years of withdrawing through the ATM machine, you can't imagine the shock I'm experiencing.
The counter? Didn't they do that in the 1990's?

erk, what am i gonna do?

À Tout Le Monde

After Sushi Tei, Zani went to his Kendo meeting in Escapade while I took off to the mall.

Normally, walking alone in the mall had no problems.
But then why do I feel so upset?

For 2 hours I felt disappointed. Whether it's because there was nothing to do, or is it because I was by myself.
Or is it because there was no one there to talk to.

This is the first of the many lone walks around the mall where I truly felt.. alone.

Photo blog 12: Sushi Tei

Zani's treat in Sushi Tei. Zani's idea because there was a Kendo meeting in Escapade, so we agreed to have some Japanese food before he goes (while i do my lone walks in the mall again).

Staring at the delicious looking Octopuses.

Bitter Green Tea to end the meal

Photo blog 11: Horror stories

The horror/mystery presentation for EAS class ended. We act out the plays we wrote and the best ones will be posted in Youtube (erk!).

Azizi in his surpising role, a masked serial killer.

I thought the mask was very Metal, so I asked Azizi. Coolness.

Photo blog 10: PTEB Bazaar

Today Tomorrow

Currently Listening to : Lacuna Coil 'Our Truth'

Awesome Goth Metal song. Big Recommendation.

Business is well today. Selling videogames is a real worthwhile.

More belated Birthday greetings today.

3 day holiday, woohoo.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna go have sungkai with Zani in Sushi Tei, and hopefully Dee would join us.

Tomorrow is Uncle Jack's first anniversary of his passing. So many things we both haven't talked about. I miss those conversations we had. Thanks for everything.

On the account of Being 18

Thank you Fakhrul and Fids, who was the first to greet me in (early) morning.

Thank you everyone in PTEB who sang "Happy Birthday" 5 times!

Thank you EAS class for SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME!

Thank you Effy, for shouting "Happy Birthday" on the 3rd floor.

Thank you Nas, for the hug and being an awesome friend.

Thank you Dan, who told me not to force myself and to always keep everything professional. Thank you BRO!

Thank you Fids again for giving me the enlightenment of Chocolat cheese cake, yummy...

Thank you Safrizan, Zimo, Amirul for your support in the bazaar.

Thank you Videogames and comic business, cheers to a successful fortune!

Thank you Mom for the Spaghetti!

Thank you Dad and Kaka for calling and messaging me and Zani from overseas.

Thank you Shonda Rhimes for one of the most awesome Grey's Anatomy episodes. (the one with the bomb).

Thank you Zani, a brother can't live without.

Thank you EVERYONE for making today the most awesome.

Turning 18

As some of you might know, Zani and I will be having our birthday tomorrow.
Of all the birthday's that come and go over the years, this is one of the few birthdays that's special to me.

Once there was a boy who thought it would be cool to turn 18 years old. After the fall of innocence, this boy came to realise that his ultimate goal IS to turn 18. This realisation is due to the numerous possibilities of a man at this age.

One of them is his complete freedom.

So, it looks like I'm going to celebrate this birthday with a bang. No, not a big party. I'm going to enjoy every last bit of what's left of my previous life and begin anew.

Photo Blog 09: Demon Bug

I was running up the stairs when suddenly a species of flying insect of green, red and creepy black at the size of my mobile phone (3 inches- erk!) caught my notice.

And I'm terrified of bugs. Especially big, black, winged ones.

Went way back down and used the other flight of stairs. I tried to peek at it but I ran away as soon as I saw the flash of green.

Thank you Fakhrul, for taking that icky, evil creature's picture for me to post on my blog.

Photo blog 08: Today, it's Jam..

Once upon a time, there lived a Battle Queen whose powers are beyond any limits of man's physical strength.

She challenges all in a game that involved a holy white disk, then fed herself with their humiliation.

Once a proud hero and saviour, had lost his will to live after 3 heated disk battles that eventually ended with despair.

Sad

Ashamed

Mad

Who could save this man from his inevitable defeat? Who would defeat the Battle Queen? Only time will tell...

But then it is also noteworthy that Jam 'Obviously' can't defeat me in a game of Soul Calibur 2. hahaha!

Photo blog 08: Fasting Zombie

What I usually look like during Puasa. After a hard day in school and restrainment from drinking water, even sleeping proved difficult.
This is me slouching on the couch while trying to catch a few day winks.

Words are flowing like endless rain into a paper cup

1
I will be turning 18 in 10 days. It's one of those few ages you hope to reach when you were much younger. To me the, 18 is the age that bridges to adulthood.

At 18 you are able to take a job, advance your studies, be in a kind of respect with everyone.

18 is the age I learn to become an individual. Where I will begin to learn or do things my way.

I'm a little afraid. 18 is the age of responsibility. At that moment I will have to teach myself to become a man.

2
Working on the intro on my comic project ('Drawings again' 12-Sep-07).

I had difficulty starting as I am about to tell of events but not describe the impact or effect in this story. Meaning, I needed THEMES.

Themes are the backbone of every story structure, and I nearly made it boneless.
So I thought long about its themes:

love
westernisation
institutional racism
Faith

All I have is a number of events in my head that may be controversial in nature. But this is my first step to making a comic which dwells in serious issues rather than the normal cliche storyline.

Sungkai in the Mall

While those treated by Ckg Amir for their Physics credit, Ashraf and I had our sungkai at food court. We were hoping Yean would arrive but sadly, didn't turn up.

Before that we were watching "The Invisible", a ghost story about a guy who is invisible to everyone but needs to solve his own murder. It was interesting enough.

After that we went to a cafe where I had a cup of Hot Vanilla (which is tasty). I went up to meet Jam and Mazz (along with Jimbo, surprisingly).

Maybe I'll go next week :) anyone wants to join me?

Jai Guru Deva Om

Been listening to the Beatles lately. I woke up for Sahur today (did I mention it's Ramadhan already?) and my head was playing 'All you need is love' in repeat.

This got me to watch the 'Across the Universe' movie trailer again, a musical consisting only Beatle music. The sheer impact of the 'Hey Jude' outro always gave me the chills.

And then I started getting into 'Across the Universe', the most poetic song sang by Lennon (whom if you recall, sang one of the greatest songs in history 'Imagine'). I learned to play it with my guitar already, but what got me into it is how amazing his lyrics are.

"Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass
they slip away across the universe"

Interesting imagery, making Lennon one of my favourite songwriters.

I'll post the 'Across the Universe' clip sometime.

Love

I was chatting with a friend when she told me a really touching story.

They were best friends for 3 years when suddenly he started to say "I love you". Confused with the sudden act of confession, she said "no".
Later, he never calls or text, which to her was something she can't live without.
Then she realises the amount of time he took to say it. Feeling guilty she wanted to say sorry.
But it was too late. He is nowhere to be found and he even changed his contact number.
She wished she could have said yes.
She knew she would see him someday. And when that day comes, she'll have to make things right with the world.

Sometimes, we tend to feel guilt over the past. Usually we'd make mistakes that would be hard to forgive.
I know I was desperate, self-centered, foolish at times, but I want to make it right with everyone. I kept searching for a sign that I didn't let down everybody.
I, too, want to make it right with the world.

Drawing again

I can't believe I took up drawing cartoons again. My still present habit of drawing caricatures still haven't faded away.

I'm going to continue my old project: creating a comic that doesn't focus on art, but on the storyline.

I got this urge to make one after reading this graphic novel called Blankets. A memoir on the main character's family, religion, sexuality, but overall; what it feels like to sleep next to someone for the first time.
Reading this story got me thinking on how real but yet cartoon about this story. It's a good read.

Sometime before that, I was already admiring these comic forms, such as the greatest graphic novel: Watchmen, then V for Vendetta and its political charged storyline, along with Adolf, a story of 3 boys named Adolf during World War 2. Very gripping storyline.

So I had this project on making a comic that focuses on the individual Bruneian, and the effect of westernisation in the country. When I have time, I'll post some sketches on this comic as soon as I can.

Talk about Guitars again

I was watching this clip of Steve vai making his pinch harmonic squeals.

I knew that the only way to bring my guitar playing to its full potential is a 'Floyd Rose'.

What's a Floyd Rose, you ask? You know that bar hanging around at the guitar's bridge? That's call a tremolo and it's supposed to create a kind of vibrato for your guitar. Most trems makes these lower sounding bends when you play (because you push it down), but a Floyd Rose is much more unique.

Not only you can push the bar down in a Floyd Rose trem, but you can pull up. It heightens the pitch of the guitar and it is the key to creating my musical style and noise factor: Harmonic Screams.

Pinch Harmonics takes time to learn but Harmonic Screams make my guitar playing more satisfying.

What a wonderful world

I see trees of green, red roses too.
I see them bloom for me and you,
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white.
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night,
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by,
I see friends shaking hands, saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, "I love you."

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more, than I'll ever know.
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

One of my favourite songs.

Holidays Pt 2

1
I had a 4 hour English Lit class today.
I got a chance to read Ozymandias, a poem themed on how even great powers eventually fall. My favourite part: (puts on God-like voice)

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"

2
Got really bad sunburn after the beach. It was too painful to sleep with which made me wake up alot. I thought my sore muscles would give way to a healthy sleep only to meet another pain in the neck (literally).

I still want to go out with friends. A movie or a meal, whatever! Just so I could get my day's walk and my satisfaction. Too bad, I missed Sushi with Fids yesterday (yum, sushi..).

Grey's anatomy is awesome to watch. It has very gripping plot lines, intense surgeries, great acting. Meredith Grey has the most dazzling eyes (grey/blue) I've ever seen, which reminds me of Lawrence of Arabia's eyes, and very mesmerising. Brings out that saviour mood when you see her.

Days before the holiday, I found a kitten meowing under the bushes. Before we gave it away, Riku (my senior) and I gave it food and a box for it stay in. It kind of reminded me of my favourite cat (whom I embarassingly called it 'Comel' ) that died years ago. Really sad, it was my first pet that I really cared for.
I named it 'Rugby' as a joke, but I got a real knack on calling it that way, hahaha.

A short poem I wrote after the beach trip.

OCEAN

You know, looking at that ocean,
it is really beautiful.
The sun luminated the vast blue sea
like a blind man granted sight.
Wished I had someone there
to tell how much I loved the sea
And how much I miss the sea
And how much I like to see it again.

Photo Blog 07: Fids's Picnic

A last minute pic before I left. From left to right: Zym, Amirul, Jam, Ezat, Mazz, Wann

Those who arrived at the gathering who are not in the pic:
Fids - Left early. Thanx for holding this party!
Vyn & Dhil - My Rugby mates. Playing Rugby in the water is a lot of fun!

Highlights of today:
.Dogs ate all the fried chicken
.Showing off my SPECIAL Fried Rice
.Water tackles (kudos to Vyn and Wann)
.Rugby in the water
.Walking down the sandy beach
.Meeting the Sharif Ali Rugby Team
.Sunburn

Holidays

funny today, my friend said, "you look different. More muscular." The weight lifting days ago works after all (though I gained more weight that way)...

Hmm, what to do then?
Puasa is coming soon.

Beach party tomorrow! Woohoo! Just re-stringed my guitar, so I'll be bringing it then.
And of course, I'll cook my SPECIAL fried rice like I promised to Fids.

Maybe I'll do some jogging during this fasting month, a good way to lose weight fast.

I'm dying to hang out with friends again. Watch a movie or chill out, whatever.

Yes, you too.

Luciano Pavarotti 1935-2007

I was saddened to hear the news of the death of Luciano Pavarotti, one of the greatest opera singers.

I remember the first time I heard his very powerful voice and the emotions he expresses when he sings, it opened my eyes to what music is meant to be: Beautiful.

Thank you Pavarotti, and the music you beautifully sang.

I reclaimed my Honor

I was one of the few who didn't get picked Under 20 selection. Disappointing at first, but we felt great after that. We played and enjoyed our game of Rugby, and that counts!

I played hard as I promise.
Amazing though, I managed to force myself and I kept going into the game.
Even my right leg injury took its toll in in the end of the first half, i got myself to keep playing.
It felt great!

I also got to play with the best players in the Sport.
Plus, I wasn't replaced and kept on playing full time.

Though I didn't make the selections, I gained respect for my Rugby playing and everyone said that all I need was more 'match experience'.

So for next year, I'll train myself hard and build more stamina and strength. But for now, it was a great experience to play with the best there is!

Wednesday

Went weight lifting while waiting for Zani in school. Hadi, my Rugby team-mate became my trainer.

My shoulders are now sore.

Did some jogging today, the weather was cloudy and rained during the last 5 mins of my jogging. Good weather for aggressive Rugby.

I hope that's the condition for the final U20 selection tomorrow.

I asked all of my team-mates to join, with promise to play as hard as you can.
I'll do my best, and I will keep going until I my body breaks.

In the mean time, please enjoy a clip of my favourite movie: Downfall.
In this scene, Hitler discusses military tactics then goes on burst of rage (Bruno Ganz, great performance)
Only this time, subtitles are added to make it in to comedy gold.

Hitler is furious when his Live account gets banned and can't play his X-Box360 anymore. *Warning: Bad Language*

I want my honor back

My friendster got hacked into.

I have trouble in my social life.

U20 selections.

A terrible headache.

SAVE ME!!

Under 20 selection

Today I went to the Under 20 selection for Rugby.
They put you in separate teams and they analyse you from the side.

Again I did my work as a prop, making effective rucks, had fun.

Then my leg got injured and I was sent off in the 2nd half.
I felt disgraced because I wanted to play full time.

After the game, I talked to my coach about the final selection and my dedication to play prop for the national team. He says, "prove it with all you got, mate."

I'll do my best for this selection. And I hope I'll get my position as prop.